Planet Zoo review: Zoo Tycoon, but for people who want to build bear-themed bathrooms

Come, people of earth. Feast your eyes upon my latest creation, a zoo to surpass all zoos. Admire the ways in which I’ve forced logic upon this illogical landscape, the brick paths I’ve laid and the trees I’ve planted to shade them. Wander the central courtyard, and gaze upon my azaleas and roses. Buy a balloon or five.

What’s that? You want to know where the animals are?

Funny story, that. It seems I got so absorbed into laying down this marvelous path you see before you...I perhaps ran out of money before buying any animals. Well, actually we’ve got a single frog. You can see it over there. Exit on the left afterwards, I’m sure you’ve had a wonderful time. Please do come again. We really, really need your money if this zoo’s going to be a success. Please.

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